GRATITUDE FOR CYNICS: A HOW-TO GUIDE

Countless studies have shown that people who focus on gratitude have better mental and physical health than those who don’t. If reading that immediately made you want to point out the distinction between correlation and causation, then this blog is for you. 

Conventional wisdom surrounding gratitude is anchored in the fact that humans tend to notice what they’re already looking for. Theoretically, if you start your day by choosing to attenuate to the positive, you’ll find positivity everywhere, just like a person who decides to count all the red cars they see will be floored by the number of red cars out in the world. In practice, however, a commitment to counting your blessings can sometimes feel like a commitment to willfully ignoring all of the less-rosy things going on around you. 

When business is slow, clients are noncommittal, and you’re consumed by self doubt, that floral-patterned gratitude journal in your desk drawer has a way of adding insult to injury. We’ve been so conditioned to think of gratitude as a soft and ethereal thing, it can feel entirely incompatible with survival-mode. While we never stop being thankful for our families, friends, and pets, it’s ok if those warm feelings don’t feel like the answer to the dread surrounding mass budget cuts. 

 As we round out a remarkably tough year in the world of self-employment, your friends at Uncompany are serving up gratitude without the unrequested side of toxic positivity. Here’s how: 

1. Release Your Preconceptions

What do you visualize when you think of a “gratitude practice”? 

If gratitude conjures up images of yoga mats, Disney’s Pollyanna, sunrise hikes, and herbal tea, it will probably feel exclusionary to someone who just polished off a bag of beef jerky in their cluttered home office. The good news is that gratitude is entirely personal. The way you choose to notice it, feel it, and express it don’t have to be measured against any predetermined standard. The only requirement is that you identify something that gives you a sense of genuine thankfulness, and take a moment to notice that feeling. 

2. Don't Overdo It

No one is asking you to make a vision board out of magazine clippings (unless you want to). When life is overwhelming, it’s usually best to onboard new habits gradually.

Start by setting a daily reminder on your phone (we know you’re already holding it) and cue yourself to think of one specific thing that made you feel authentically grateful today. Of course you can play the greatest hits, like your home or family, but it’s often easier to connect to gratitude when you reach beyond the things that go without saying. We recommend pulling from the following categories:

Something Small

Was your wi-fi connection particularly strong this morning? Did the barista get your foam just right? Maybe your client decided they didn’t need an additional round of revisions after all. If it gave you a little spark of joy, ease, or relief in that moment, then it qualifies for the gratitude list.  

When you look harder at the small things, you’ll generally find that they are connected to bigger things (for example, getting a perfect latte might make you aware of the sense of community and peace you feel in your favorite coffee shop). Starting with tangible sources of happiness is an unforced way to begin noticing the more abstract ones. 

Something Weird

Have fun with this one. Maybe your cereal went stale but you actually think it tastes better that way. Maybe a colleague complimented a specific aspect of your work that you’re very proud of, but didn't expect anyone to notice.  

When something lights up your inner world, it doesn’t need to make sense to other people. Even if you would never announce “I’m thankful for last night’s Mario Party victory” at your coworking space’s annual Thanksgiving potluck, there’s no need to put restrictions on your gratitude. 

Something Awful

It’s understandable to have complicated feelings about good things that came out of bad things, but if you peel back the layers of the onion, lots of our biggest wins spin out of our most devastating losses. 

Our missteps and failures move us forward. They force us to learn new skills, and they show us what we want by showing us what we don’t want. It can be quite liberating to add nightmare clients and terrible projects into your gratitude rotation, knowing that they are technically the reason why you’re as savvy as you currently are. There is no rule that states grateful people aren’t allowed to be smug. 

3. Express Yourself

Once you’ve identified a true source of gratitude, sit with that feeling, even if it’s just for a short period of time. You may notice that you’re motivated to take further action. It might feel right to:

• Keep a log of the things you’re grateful for (you don’t have to call it a gratitude journal)
• Pay a colleague a compliment
• Share something that brings you happiness with other people
• Reach out to someone who has helped you and say “thank you”
• Jump up and yell “hell yea!” with a dramatic fist pump to the sky

If any of these bring to mind emailing your old manager to thank them for creating an environment hostile enough to steer you towards self employment, we recommend just saving it in drafts. 

4. Hang In There, Baby

Like all new habits, gratitude gets easier with time and repetition. Keep your practice simple and authentic to what you’re feeling, even on tough days. Work with what’s in front of you. Notice what brings you joy, even if it’s kind of small, weird, or awful.  

It’s the act of directing your attention towards your blessings that builds your gratitude muscle, not the blessings themselves. 

Name it, sit with it, share it, repeat. You’ve got this.